One Night Only

       The empty window held no answers as he stared into the bleak, rainy weather. The sky was dark with storm clouds as the drops were being driven against the panes by the gusts of tearing wind. Each drop was a bullet, and he could feel them piercing his flesh as he stood there, just as they did when he was walking through them. Those raindrops were the only sounds in the dormitory, the occupants all fast asleep in their beds as the Midnight Hour fast approached. None of them knew, not a single one of them could possibly know what was going to happen, the danger that he himself was going to bring upon them. It was either destroy him and live in blissful ignorance before their fall, or he would summon the end and they would…he stopped himself. He couldn’t bear the thought of it anymore, couldn’t handle the strain of his existence. It was all too much. The tears started racing down his cheeks, and he slammed his fist against the wall, rattling the glass panes. His reflection cried with him, the tears unnoticeable amongst the rivulets of rain.

“Ryoji…?” a soft and kind voice said from behind him. He didn’t turn around, already knowing whose voice that was. How could he not? A voice that compassionate could come from his other half, the one he belonged to wholly and utterly, the very soul he had been a part of.

“Minato…” he said, his own voice a choking sob as his shoulder quivered with restraint from holding everything back, the dam he built inside rising and falling with his breaths.  “What…what are you doing up?”

“What’s wrong? Why are you shaking like what?” He wouldn’t turn around, wouldn’t, couldn’t look into those eyes, those blue eyes that seemed to hold all the answers for him. He’d get swept up and lost in them as surely as he would be the rain outside. He get enveloped and surrounded, and he’d forget his mission, forget his fate, and leave them all to…to what…he felt Minato’s hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t help himself. He felt that little sense of deniability snap, and his knees gave out under the combined weight of his burden and that tender touch. “Ryoji!” Minato was already down as well, kneeling next to him and trying to look into his face after making sure he didn’t have any external injuries that would make him weak. He wouldn’t let Minato know it was his insides that were tearing.  “Ryoji, what’s wrong?”

That delicate touch, how he wanted to share his fears and have those noble shoulders share this terrible load. But how…there was no way to say what he had to bear, that he was going to be the cause of so much suffering. “Nothing, Minato. Really,” was all he could manage, and he finally looked up from the floor to show him a half-hearted grin. Gods, Minato really was a sight…his nightshirt half unbuttoned, exposing the top of his pale, lithe chest; the matching pants sliding down ever slightly in his current precarious position. He had to look somewhere else, anywhere, lest he lose what tenuous control he had. His cast his gaze upward, and locked eyes with Minato. Those vast blue pools that were deeper than any ocean or sea and held infinite capabilities for anything and everything…his spine tingled and something inside of him of sparked, threatening to explode.

Minato’s hand rose to his mouth in a stunned fashion, and Ryoji quickly cast his eyes back downwards. His façade was breaking, and he was unable to stop it. He couldn’t stop anything. There was nothing he could do. “Ryoji…why are you crying? You look so…so desolate.”

What a perfect word to describe his feelings, desolate. He merely shook his head. “I’m fine, honest. Just…just a little homesick is all…” Unbearable was the feeling to raise his eyes again to look at him. He’d lose himself in a heartbeat if he did, and how could everything be so unfair….

“You can tell me, you know,” Minato said quietly, inching a little closer so that their knees were touching.  Minato’s hand was resting on Ryoji’s calf, and he couldn’t help but try and move away from those hands. But his body wouldn’t respond the way he wanted it to anymore, and the waves of feelings, of everything inside him were cresting on the lip, he was going under and drowning in this cacophony of emotion. Everything was becoming distorted, and his hands clasped over his ears and temples, fingers clenching his hair as he shut his eyes tight.

“No!” he half-shouted, and there was a bright flash of lightning. He was shaking his head, tears leaking out from his tight eyelids. “No, I can’t! I can’t talk to anyone, not about this! There’s no hope, do you understand! None at all!”  He slammed his fists against his skull which each negative emphasis, as if he could knock all of his out of his head and leave him senseless. Yes, a senseless lump of nothing, a section of a broken soul and fractured heart, the leftover pieces of an awful experiment. That’s what he was and always would be. “None at all…”

He was cut off by Minato grabbing him by the back of the neck and guiding him to his shoulder. Minato’s arms quickly wrapped around Ryoji’s frame, still wet as it was from the rain, and held him against himself.  “Please, Minato…no…” Ryoji sputtered, trying in vain to pull himself away, but he was too weak. Minato’s arms tightened around him protectively as a sign that he wasn’t letting go. “You don’t know what…” he let out a small sob, “…what you’re doing…”

One of Minato’s hands caressed his back, rubbing it up and down slowly, soothingly, despite Ryoji’s protestations, and the other stroked his hair. It was becoming all too much for him. The dam inside was breaking, every intimate action sending the cracks deeper and deeper. He had to get out, had to get away from him, or else…

“Please…” Minato said quietly, “let me help.” And he laid his head on top of Ryoji’s holding him close. “I don’t want you feeling sad.”

Ryoji couldn’t contain his sadness now, couldn’t stop his tears as he curled up against Minato, still on the floor. He buried his face into the crook of Minato’s neck, and let go. His body was taught and tight as he sobbed quietly, his hands grasping the front of Minato’s nightshirt. It hurt so badly, this torrent, this endless night of anguish and torment. And to be so close, so near and yet so very far away, lifetimes away, worlds away…he his tears felt like liquid fire, his eyes burning. If he didn’t leave, if he didn’t get out of here, he’d lose his resolve, lose everything and they would all be damned. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t find his voice. All he knew was this utter isolation and sadness, this one night the only comfort…

“…must…go…” he managed to gasp out, his tears subsiding ever slightly as he forced them back. His entire body shook and racked with his repressed sobs. He tried once again to get up, to get away from here, to gather himself and compose whatever demeanor he must to get through these last days. But Minato’s grip on him wouldn’t loosen; he only held tighter.

“I,” Minato started, and stopped. Ryoji risked a glance at him, and saw the slight puzzlement on Minato’s face as he was trying to say what he wanted. “I…I don’t want you to go.”
“Why?” His voice was hoarse with crying, and he was surprised they hadn’t woken the rest of the dorm. Then he looked to the clock in the hall. It had stopped. The Midnight Hour had begun.

Minato shook his head, and pulled back a little so he could look into Ryoji’s face. “I just want to be here…with you.” A flash of lightning and traces of a blush.  “It feels right.”

Sweet temptation echoed throughout his mind, and his hands unclenched from Minato’s shirt. Would it be so bad to just let everything go… …just for one night?  One night to forget all of his troubles. One night to pretend that everything was going to be okay. One night to just be here…with him.

“One night…” he found himself saying aloud, and looked at the floor again. Would it be that difficult? The morning would eventually come, and where would he find himself then? Would he be able to do what he was meant to? Could he deny his fate…or would he succumb to it…

“Just for one night…” he said again. “Just for this one night…until dawn…” His hand brushed against Minato’s bare chest, another button having been torn off while he was crying. “Would…would that be okay?” His hand was shaking, his entire body was shaking, and it wasn’t with sadness this time. Yes, all of that was still there, but there was something else here too. Something familiar and warm, tender and special…a connection.

Minato didn’t respond. Instead, he stood up, taking Ryoji up with him in one single motion. He ran his hand down Ryoji’s arm, his other hand supporting him, until he intertwined their fingers. “Yes…a connection…” Minato whispered to him, continuing Ryoji’s thought. His eyes widened. Was that an accident, a brief moment of coincidence laughing in his face, or something more?

Before he could agonize over it, Minato leaned forward, putting his forehead against Ryoji’s. “One night only…” Ryoji muttered slumbrously, his own quivering hand, tightening with his other half’s. One night, he could allow himself to break down all of his walls. For one night, he could become one with him again. For just one night, he could have it all.

Minato bent his head in slowly, his eyes half closed as his lips gently touched Ryoji’s. A powerful wave of warmth swept over him, drowning him under its immense weight and strength. Fire within him that he didn’t know he had burned steadily and strongly, and he wrapped his arms around Minato, pulling him closer and harder into the kiss with a heat he thought was gone. Such passion, such force, feelings that he was drunk on as his tongue ran against Minato’s lips, his own mouth encompassing their kiss. Finally they broke apart, panting, heads against one another.

“One night…for eternity…” Ryoji whispered to himself. This kiss, this night…it would have to last him forever.

“Every night for eternity,” Minato whispered back, and kissed him again.